just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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