My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
