I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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