do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
