Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Non-Jews are for practice
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
