I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
