i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
