I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
