Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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