I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
