You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
