I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize