He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
