i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
