im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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