the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
