Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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