watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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