Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
