Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
