Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
