Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
