your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
