I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize