I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
