Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im part way to drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize