We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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