just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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