i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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