Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
