the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize