The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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