I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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