My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
