My liver just broke up with me...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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