your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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