Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
