I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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