I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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