Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
