are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
