Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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