Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
