do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
