we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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