just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
