Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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