We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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