uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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