Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
