Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
