i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
