): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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