She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
