Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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