I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
