I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
