Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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