you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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