I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
