I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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