There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
