Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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