omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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