Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you didnt know i had herpes?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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