I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drake has all the answers
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
