Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize