Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
