Your face is a jimmy john
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
