What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize