i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
