My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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