She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
