Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
