Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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