I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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