i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
