I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
