You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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