How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
